Okay. My computer fucking exploded. I don't know what's wrong with it, or how to fix it, and I wanted something I could take around with me anyway, so now I've got a laptop.
Trouble is, my scanner and its hideously outdated software aren't compatible with my new OS, and the driver software that IS compatible with said new OS hasn't been released yet, and doesn't seem to be scheduled for release for the next year or so. Probably because it was a cheap scanner when I bought it six years ago, and will continue being a piece of shit well on into the future.
Given that this piece of shit is now basically a delightful inch-and-a-half tall glass